Pride, The Deadliest of the Deadly Sins

Pieter Bruegel's Tower of Babel

I was running an errand this morning and got myself into the grumpiest of moods. No reason really just one of those things. I'm sure you've all been there. Every little part of the errand seems to be taking longer than it should and by the time you're back in the car heading home you're completely grumped out. That was my mood today when I got back home from running an errand.

As I walked in the door to the house I heard my two year old calling out "daddy daddy" as she came running to meet me. The problem with getting grumpy about something stupid is that it tends to get your back up. You want there to be some grander reason than just waiting an extra 10 seconds in line to be so frustrated. I think that's one reason why when little things get to you like that it's so easy to lash out at your family and friends.

Anyhow, I had walked in the door all grumpied up for no reason and was being greeted by an act of purity. In that moment I had a choice. I could either let go of my grumpiness or I could try to hold on to it. I chose to hold on and purposefully turned my back on my two year old instead of embracing her and letting go of my prideful anger.

In that moment I truly despised myself and immediately wished for a machine to go back in time. When my wife was teaching first graders, her big piece of wisdom to them was that it is all about choices. We always laughed about this, but the truth is it really is all about choices. Every day in our lives we float through being faced from one minute to the next with a series of choices.  Some philosophers  would argue that this is what distinguishes us from animals.  We are ethical creatures while they are aesthetic creatures, and I tend to go along with this argument.  As adults we make choices knowing what the long term effects will often be.  With kids it's more simplistic, but not with adults.  The minute I made my choice to turn my back I fully understood not only what I had done and how hurtful it could be in the short term for me and my daughter, but also how hurtful it could play out to be if I didn't swallow my pride and let go of something that really had no meaning to me, being grumpy. 

There is a reason why pride is considered by many to be the worst of the seven deadly sins.  In many ways it is the frame around which many other wrong acts are built, and pride can cloud your thoughts, your emotions, your logic. 

It's funny but in that moment when I turned my back I had a flash of my future.  I understood in that moment that if I wanted I could let my getting frustrated at having to wait longer than I wanted in line destroy my family, my friendships, and my happiness all for nothing more than my pride. 

This wasn't an unusual moment for me or for anybody.  We all face moments like this every day of our lives.  As humans we are going to often fail those moments.  Some of those failures will be so dramatic that they will destroy a life forever, but most, the vast majority are moments that we can shed if we are simply willing to swallow our pride.

The sad thing is that memory of hugging my daughter is one I will never have, the good thing is I was able to quickly realize the errors of my ways and re-engage with my family.  The tricky part for all of us that we have to be aware of our choices and their impact all of the time.  Otherwise we can easily get lost and often our way back is blocked by nothing more than our pride.