When I was living in Cary, N.C., in 2003, I entered an essay contest sponsored by my local newspaper and then completely forgot about it until about two years later. One afternoon, procrastinating from work, I Googled my name, the name of the essay and the newspaper name, and--sure enough--a story about the contest results came up. First place had gone to a 12-year-old; second, to a 15-year-old; third, to a 13-year-old. Honorable mentions also went to a couple of other teen-agers. Then, the story read, that I, "age 37, also entered the contest." On my little writer's resume now, in the awards and honors section, among various little second places and honorable mentions with various state press associations and what-not, i've listed, "The Cary News essay contest, Mention, 2003." And so to the adults considering participation in the writer's workshop at Columbus-Belmont State Park on May 21, I say, you've been warned.
On the other hand, we of Heath Post Nation who live in Kentucky encourage those of you who live in the South (Virginia, for example) to seriously consider entering this contest.
And those of you with a storied history with libraries, even those of you who don't live in Kenton County (maybe you live in, say, Idaho), might want to consider this one.
Now this. These are really weird times in Horse Branch.
More evidence that the recession's impact has been less severely felt in Kentucky than most places.
The Wildcats rerouted.
Maysville love.
Ron Greene says when.
A Carrollton and Campbellsville U woman calls next.
Lots of updates from and about the extended Heath Post family in the Twitter overnights: Jacob Tamme, Elton John and Sara Hammond, among them.
On The Joe B & Denny Show, the coaches stuff don't want to entertain any of the "imagine-if-we-had-Enes-Kanter" talk.
ReplyDelete"That 'if' stuff doesn't get you anywhere," Coach Hall says.
"Coulda, shoulda, woulda," Coach Crum says.
Well, all of that talk is over now, anyway. Somebody just called in to talk about a pond he's having problems with--overrun with beavers. The coaches are engrossed in this now.
ReplyDeleteBURNS
ReplyDelete(to the audience of workers) ...and the bold new ideas these tiny tykes unveil for us today could make thousands of jobs like yours... obsolete!
There is some weak applause.
SMITHERS
Our first little genius is Ralph Wiggum.
Ralph comes on stage with a modified Malibu Stacy Dream House.
SMITHERS
It's pretty good sir.
BURNS
Hot tub? Media room? It's supposed to be a power plant not Aunt Beulah's bordello. Thank you. Get out. Next!
Ralph doesn't move. Chief Wiggum calls from off screen.
WIGGUM
Uh, Ralphie, get off the stage sweetheart!
Ralph takes the doll house and leaves. Martin Prince is up next.
MARTIN
Behold, the power plant of the future, today!
BURNS
Yuck. Too cold and sterile. Where's the heart?
MARTIN
But it really generates power. It, it's lighting this room right now.
He turns a knob, dimming the auditorium lights.
BURNS
You lose. Get off my property. Lets have the next child.
Homer brings his model on stage.
GRIMES
(calling from the audience) Look everybody! Simpson's in a contest with children.
LENNY
Hey, shh!
CARL
You're making us miss the contest.
BURNS
Could you explain your model, young man?
GRIMES
What's to explain? He's an idiot!
LENNY
Pipe down!
HOMER
Well basically, I just copied the plant we have now.
BURNS
Mm-hmm.
HOMER
Then, I added some fins to lower wind resistance. (pointing) And this racing stripe here I feel is pretty sharp.
BURNS
Agreed. First prize!
Burns gives Homer a blue ribbon and some money.
GRIMES
What?
CARL
Way to go, Homer!
LENNY
You're number one, Homer!
GRIMES
But it, it was contest for children!
LENNY
Yeah. And Homer beat their brains out!
The audience cheers wildly.
from SimpsonCrazy.com
At least Homer won.
ReplyDeleteOK, now we've got a full-out fight from a caller named Roy whose son got his doctorate from Duke and the moderator, Tony Cruise, who called the school, "Puke," this morning.
ReplyDelete"I'm a lot better sport than you are, and I'm sure the hell not the redneck you are," Roy says.
Tony launches into a tirade against what he says is a relatively few number of technical fouls called on Coach K compared to other coaches who cuss out the referees as much as Duke's coach does. And then he brings up Christian Laettner. And then he relents and offers to buy the caller lunch, which Roy refuses.
"That's enough, boys. It's time to move on," Coach Hall says.
And now we have callers who are encouraging Tony to continue calling them, "Puke."
"No," Coach Hall says, "he's going to call them, 'Fluke,' from here on."
Coach Crum says he's a fan of both Louisville and UK. Coach Hall says he is, too--"of course, I have to favor my own school," he adds.
ReplyDeleteWell, I forgot to submit my suggestion. So I voted for "William Goebel Way," and, at the time, that tied it with "3L Highway" for a two-way tie for the lead, with one vote apiece. Things, however, are not trending positively for the gov.
ReplyDeleteOne comment at the story: "How about a 'Great way out of Cincinnasty'"?